Parent to Parent

The following statement was read at the Arizona FullCircle Parent Group Meeting on August 24th, 2022. The next day, this parent was introduced to Enthusiastic Sobriety Abuse Alliance and gave ESAAlliance permission to share their statement publicly.

Hi, I’m Lisa

My share tonight is off topic, and I have written down the things I want to share. Over the last couple of weeks some big things have happened for my family in relation to Full Circle, and my son has decided to leave the group. Many of these happenings have caused me to reflect more deeply on our experiences in enthusiastic sobriety in general, and I have decided I will also leave the group. 

Some of you may know that my son’s departure was accomplished in a video of him swigging alcohol posted to snap chat; burned down in cinnamon whiskey flames with all the drama only a 17 year old could muster. I believe this was his way of expressing his anger and disgust at past and recent events. My departure will be a bit less dramatic, but I am no less disgusted.

When we joined the group almost 3 years ago, I was desperate, broken, and terrified. I had no confidence left in my parenting or in my relationship with my child. I was assured that enthusiastic sobriety was legitimate. I was quoted statistics about its success in achieving sobriety. I was advised to trust the group, that while it does appear to be chaotic, it is controlled chaos. I was advised to allow my child to run at all hours of the night. When I expressed concern about this, I was assured that magic happens at 2am which is an important part of the ES model, and was told that the kids take care of each other and are often even given a pass by law enforcement when they are stopped after curfew. When I asked if my son was considered an addict I was told that the program is designed to be an early intervention for kids at risk. 

Prior to entering the group, my son had smoked weed a handful of times, tried alcohol a couple times, and had taken cold medicine with the intent of getting a buzz. Within 4 months of entering the group he had tried LSD, Xanax, ecstasy, versed, a handful of Benadryl, was using pot regularly, and was stealing beer from the gas station across the street from the Pathway Program during the breaks of his IOP there - and going back to IOP drunk. Aside from the fact that his substance use increased exponentially upon entry to the group, he experienced bullying for his disability from “winners” in the group. In addition to these experiences there were also things that were so much worse, and issues more benign. Here is a list: 2 young girls shot, countless non-fatal overdoses, at least 5 fatal overdoses, police contact on 2 occasions for being out late, my son being in a horrific car accident when a new kid had a party while his parents were out of town, so much consensual sex that I have lost track, an incident of a 23 year old female having sex with a 16 year old male, program graduates dealing drugs and working for the cartel in human trafficking, a young man rumored to be recruiting for the cartel admitted to the group, in separate incidents my son brought home 2 homeless meth addicts, one was a 24yo OG member and 5 days off meth, the other a 19yo OG member who masturbated in my bathroom and sent my son the video, a counselor that disclosed what I would assume to be confidential information about my child to another parent but not to me, inconsistent application of consequences for breaking the established FC shots, rumors about counselors having sexual relationships with kids in the step 1 and step 2 programs. 

When these incidents happen and questions are asked, program leadership is quick to point out that they advise parents that no counselors are present in the after hours gatherings, that parents are responsible for their kids, and that the kids are responsible for their own choices. When my son’s first friend was shot, a whole meeting was dedicated to telling parents these very lines. But the people saying this were the very people that encouraged us to allow our kids to run with the group to begin with. I wonder if this is counted as the magic of 2am. Parents are also advised to establish walls in their homes, but I doubt many of us would consider the need to establish a wall to protect our at risk teenagers from bringing homeless meth addicts home. Obviously there are some deeply concerning issues happening and in my view program leadership is more interested in deflecting all responsibility to parents and their struggling teens than they are to implementing changes that would increase the safety of the kids in the group. When I had a meeting with them related to the disclosure of confidential information I was told “I don’t remember saying that” and that the counselors employed by the program are not licensed and therefore not bound by HIPAA regulations. However when asking about more troubling incidents confidentiality is cited as a reason for lack of disclosure and I am told that I only know one side of the story. 

I realize much of what I have said is likely shocking and may be viewed as being bitter. I am not bitter, my intention in sharing this is for you all to have information to make fully informed choices about you and your kids. I do believe good can come from the group, but I also believe a better safety net needs to be established to prevent our at risk teens from further diving into dangerous situations. The safety of our kids is a shared responsibility among parents and group leadership alike, in my opinion, and I believe that leadership could make some changes to increase their safety without changing the fundamental nature of the program.

In terms of the good that can come from the program, I am delighted to say that over the course of participation with enthusiastic sobriety I am whole and happy, I walk in gratitude, and my relationship with my child is full of love and trust. We have discussions, not screaming matches. My kids like each other again. We have fun together. We are restored to sanity. To be sure, my son is still a teenager and obviously still makes some bad choices. I am better equipped to deal with it using tools from enthusiastic sobriety. 

I am grateful for what we have learned here and for how we have applied it to our lives. I am grateful for the love and support I have received from other parents both here in this room and many more who are not. We never could have achieved this level of healing without you. I am grateful to the kids who offered my son unconditional love and acceptance, to those who stood by him against those who bullied him, and especially to those who continue to love and support him even if he is no longer part of the group. Much love to all of you, and may your lives be blessed with healing.