A Story of Institutional Abuse
The Insight Program Survivor: 2019 - 2021
My life in the group was hard for many reasons, but the main one that stings is the fact that the group was truly all I had.
I was only 15 when I joined the Raleigh group I had just moved across the country. The reason I mention that is because any kid that moves long distances already has a social disadvantage. The amount of culture shock was unbearable at points the only thing that helped me find friends was the universal love of weed. I had developed a descent social gathering of friends that smoked together and goofed off “normal teenage crap” but that didn’t last long. One day my parents told me I needed to go to a doctors appointment and then they brought me to the shop.
With the magic of cigarettes and being with ex-druggies “just like me,” I agreed to go with them to charlotte, and after that I was sold on the group life. I cut off all the friends I had and accepted this group as my one and only friend group. I stopped talking to my family and old friends in California and completely dedicated myself to outpatient.
My external family only saw me one time out of the 2 years I spent in that group. Worst of all, my "so called family" that I had found in the group treated me horribly. When I look back at the amount of complete disrespect they had for me as human being - it still shakes me to my core the amount of anger and resentments and my nightmares and uncontrollable outbursts.
All these things I just listed are symptoms of complex post traumatic stress disorder, which is a condition that I suffer from as a result of the institutional abuse I endured.
I was constantly harassed by older members of the group, one person was definitely a ring leader of the harassment of me and other vulnerable group members, and by vulnerable, I mean below the age of 17 with no life experiences. But anyways, he would do things like dare us to take our clothes off and then he would record it sometimes even showing it to older girls in the group. It was almost like a dehumanizing tactic constantly having those videos to “clown me” with.
One of the worst moments is when this group ringleader shaved my head bald without my consent just so they could have something to “geek about”. Whenever I tried to tell Staff that he was bullying the fuck out of me my counselor would just say "awww that sucks go crap it out with him." And then I would try to communicate to him but he would just twist it in a way that mad me feel like it was my fault. And Staff would just agree with him and then I would just go straight back to getting bullied and Staff would act like it’s not happening.
The fact that I was so ignorant In those days just makes it all the more worst. It’s almost like I suppressed all these memories in the group. But now that time has just been running its course outside the group, I start to remember more and more horrible things that I went through in that group. It’s hard for me to talk about this but my story needs to be heard because group kids can be abusers and the group is purely a cult that favors certain members and takes advantage of many unfortunate young kids.
I hated myself in that group I was just a pariah for peoples amusement.
I was in pure mental agony constantly. I just felt alone when I left the group after two years. I didn’t know what to do - I just got a job at a grocery store I had no friends. I had work almost everyday and then I would just get hammered every night after work. That’s how I developed alcoholism.
It sucks to look at when I was 15 and I just wanted to smoke weed and go to normal high school parties with people my age - but I didn’t get to have a high school experience. Which is why nowadays I can’t even relate to my own age. Kids are supposed to be brought up with their peer group, not recovering drug addicts in their 20's.
That’s probably why I went straight for pills and alcohol when I left the group. I came out much more addicted then when I came in. Nowadays, I still drink heavily and smoke weed. Pills, not as much as before, but over all my experience in the group was a scam. My parents where robbed of their money and I was left mentally scarred and broken. I don’t trust people. I am still lonely I have a very hard time relating to other people. I’m kind of just a socially awkward mess. I just hang in there but yeah that’s my story, a story of institutional abuse.
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Share your story to help other survivors feel heard, seen and understood. We aim to expose the consistent patterns of abuses in Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs and prevent potential families from years of suffering from undue influence and abuse under the guise of drug and alcohol treatment. Enthusiastic Sobriety Survivor stories can be submitted anonymously by former group members, staff and families.
