High Control Group
The Crossroads Program Survivor: 2001 - 2004
The aspect of the Group that I’ve had the most difficulty articulating is how deep this sort of control goes. You are expected to constantly share all of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Anything less is dishonest.
This is part of how they really keep you on a short leash and in their grips. This even spreads to discussions about sexuality or sexual activities - even masturbation habits are discussed with minors and all members.
What do these discussions have to do with sobriety?
As a teenager, you think about all kinds of things but in the Group, your thoughts are expected to share anything that comes up, day and night - which is then used against you to explain how “sick” you are.
It creates this environment where you have to constantly produce emotions and thoughts to show how honest you are. This is a huge burden to constantly analyze everything that goes through your mind and it would make most people feel they just might be unwell! You might just have some anxiety or self doubt but this is used against you to the fullest extent - your commitment to sobriety and your relationship with God will be brought into question (two things held to the highest importance in the Group).
When I was on Steering Committee, I witnessed other members who were forced to share details about themselves in front of the whole Steering Committee (about 10 - 15 people), at the direction of Mike Weiland. These were details about their sex life that Mike deemed “dishonest” and forced them to “get honest” in front of all of us. They were minors. We were under 18. But if they denied sharing this, they would have been labeled fucked uo and dishonest, and likely removed from Steering Committee.
This forced vulnerability is especially concerning and a common trait you find or hear about in cults. More vulnerability = more “spiritually fit” or healthier overall. Meetings were held on topics like “Living in a Glass House” and also “Painting Yourself in a Corner” - again forcing the idea that you must allow all people (in the Group) into all aspects of your life at all times. This never gives you time to have a free thought or experience anything else - it keeps you trapped.
The thoughts you divulge are then met with “thought stopping cliches” which keep you from having critical thinking skills or seeing things from a different perspective. When you’re told to just “live in God’s will” (aka do what the Group says) or reminded that you could become “fucked up” - you never have the opportunity to consider what you think or feel and make your OWN choice.
You are told in the Group that you are powerless over the first three seconds of a thought but anything past that is a choice - so now your thoughts are basically actions, and again, you need to be constantly honest about these.
The amount of gaslighting this results in is sickening and makes it really hard to explain later, because on the surface, many concepts presented in the Group may have some basis in reality. Honesty and vulnerability are not bad concepts on their own. However, it is applied in such a way that is extremely controlling and abusive.
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