We are not just angry because we didn’t get it.
The Cornerstone Program Staff Survivor
In light of recent claims that people who take issue with the Enthusiastic Approach to sobriety are simply people who did not get sober, I would like to firmly express that this is not what our anger is about. This anger is about having much of our childhoods stolen at vulnerable points in our lives, and then being convinced we were addicts and would die without living their prescribed way of life. Additionally, this “explanation” provided by those involved with the Group is cheap, overused, inaccurate, invalidating, intellectually weak, and dismissive.
After being completely stripped of my trust in myself, it has taken countless hours in therapy to regain my own understanding of who I am without the Group's influence (including EMDR therapy to help process trauma, as a result of thel Group). This is not a unique experience, this is literally what steps 1-4 are designed to do within the Group's framework. If you did not have this experience, consider yourself lucky (or you weren't a real "winner," sorry).
I had every intention of remaining sober, until I could no longer convince myself that I undoubtedly belonged in the rooms of AA. My own AA sponsor suggested I try drinking and helped outline small steps to take to do so in a safe way while keeping my safety net intact. She became someone I invited to my wedding and stayed in contact with until she sadly passed away after thriving for many years, in spite of her cancer diagnosis.
No one associated with the Group returned my calls once I resigned from the staff, even though I had been "close friends" with some for almost a decade and nothing else had changed, besides my employer (even prior to choosing to drink).
There's nothing wrong with being sober. At all. There is something wrong with projecting your own beliefs onto everyone, especially when you are in a position of power. The Group and its staff DO believe there is no "normal" drinking or using of any kind. They DO believe that if you enjoy any amount of drinking, that this is a problem.
After resigning from staff, I immediately recognized how far behind I was from other peers. I had no sense of normal social interactions. I worked HARD to "catch up" on so much of life that I was swayed to believe was unimportant, but literally could not have functioned successfully in the world without. Since I left, I am extremely proud and grateful to say I've had the privilege to graduate college magna cum laude, I was offered an internship at a Big 4 accounting firm, worked for a local financial institution for nearly seven years, then moved to non-profit work and now hold a senior position at a high performing hospital. I own a house and have been with a supportive and loving partner for 11 years.
This anger is not about whether or not I was able to stay sober. I was able to stay sober. This is about having years of my life experience snipped down to an extremely limited social circle and being taught to believe any further exploration was dangerous. I was 15 years old when I joined. Influencing young people's lives in such an extreme way is abuse. That makes me angry.
