Trapped
Two male Staff members admitted, even boasted, about raping women. They just didn’t use the word rape.
The Staff would routinely talk about how “fucked up” they were in the past, but often in this really arrogant way like, “I was so cool, I did the most drugs and fucked the most girls. But also it was bad and ruined my life. But damn, I was so cool…”
Once I had announced I was leaving the Program, I was told I first had to complete an exit interview with the head of the Program.
I had only met him once, he wasn’t a regular counselor there, but everyone insisted that he was the coolest guy ever and usually people would decide to stay after talking with him.
I realized entering into this meeting that this was a setup to manipulate me into staying.
They weren’t ready to part with that portion of their paycheck. I sat in a meeting with this asshole for 3 fucking hours.
There was no room in the conversation for me. The entire time was him going on some arrogant tirade about what a badass he was back in the day.
Then he starts talking about what a ladies man he was and all the reckless sex he used to have and he says, “back then, when I was loaded, I’d stick my dick in anything. Didn’t matter what she looked like, I just wanted sex, ya know? Whether she was wide awake or passed out cold…”
I interjected, “you had sex with unconscious women?”
He chuckled in his arrogant manner and said, “sure, conscious, unconscious, made no difference to me! I just needed to get laid, ya know?”
So I said, “to be clear, you are telling me that you used to regularly rape unconscious women?”
Suddenly his demeanor changed, and he shot me an angry glance. “Whoa, I never said I raped anyone. You have obviously missed the point. Look, if you want to fuck your life up by leaving, there’s the door!” he shouted, “but don’t try to turn this around on me like I’m the bad guy, I’m just trying to help you. But you’re too stubborn to see the fucking point, even when it’s right in front of you!”
So I yelled back, “Please! Tell me the fucking point. Tell me why you just wasted 3 hours of my life just to brag about being a rapist! What the fuck does that have to do with my situation?”
And he said “I never hurt a single person. Most of those chicks never even knew what happened, how could they be hurt? My point is, when we do these things that seem fun and cool at the time, we’re really only hurting ourselves. None of those girls were hurt, they were too loaded to notice. Me! I was the one being hurt by my behavior. That’s the point!”
His point, I guess, was that raping women is fun and cool, and while it doesn’t hurt the women, the rapist are the real victims.
I was so appalled and disgusted, but also weirdly grateful. I knew Cornerstone was damaging to me, but I was kind of hooked on it. Part of me was looking for a reason to stay.
3 hours locked in a room with that raving psychopath and I ran for the hills.
I went home and told my parents, “I signed myself out The Program today. Send me to military school, send me to Mormon lock-down in Utah, send me anywhere you like but I refuse to go back there.”
- The Cornerstone Program Survivor
