Still picking up the pieces of what was broken in me by this program.
The Insight Survivor Story: 2017 - 2019
I joined the program at 17, while I was in out patient I began to get close with a guy in the support group who was 21. I felt I was very love bombed by him as he’d constantly buy me gifts, talk with me, drive me to outpatient etc. One night, after he’d picked me up to hang out we ended up alone in his room and I felt extremely pressured. He became really physical almost sort of boxing me in and alluding he wouldn’t drive me home. We ended up sleeping together. This felt like an extremely coercive event and I felt horrible about it.
Weeks later, I “got honest” about it because he was continuing to send me sexual texts and make me feel uncomfortable. I was berated in front of my entire outpatient for being skanky, having low self worth, for taking advantage of HIS sobriety (he was a self proclaimed “sex addict” in the program) I was made fun of for falling for his tricks and my outpatient counselor verbally expressed disbelief that he’d sleep with me due to the size of my body.
I was just hardly plus sized at the time. I had to have a meeting with the director of the program. he made me show him all the texts messages exchanged between me and the guy. he laughed at me and questioned why I wasn’t stronger in turning him down or why I didn’t tell someone sooner.
it was then I learned he had done this exact same thing to TWO girls before me. TWO girls. I received no warning, nothing was reported. the worst consequence he got was a two week one meeting a day break away from the group. he came back and almost immediately did the same thing again with another 17 year old outpatient girl. the only apology I ever received from him was one where he sat me down and relayed his entire sexual history to me at the advice of staff members to explain how he’s such a horrible sex addict and this ties in with his drug addiction. he said he was sorry his “illness” affected me. i continued to be blamed and targeted by other members of the group bc of this.
this was my personal first incident of many of sexual abuse, coercion or harassment in the program that wasn’t punished or handled. I was forced to share about my prior assaults in excruciating detail, including being made to think of my part to blame for them. i was berated as I struggled to find a reason as to how I could have caused my brutal rape when I was a young teenager. I saw many of my friends have blurry, coerced, and even our right forced sexual encounters in the group and there was never any consequences.
If anything, we saw more punishment and shame for the women involved. I have been out for many years now and I have had to work hard in therapy and with support to deconstruct the idea that rape was something that a victim either caused, deserved, or manifested. I’ve had to work hard to regain a relationship with my body and sexuality.
when I reflect on my time in the program as a now older and recovered adult. I am disgusted by the practice of asking and at times forcing teens to share about their sexual experiences, interests, thoughts and trauma.
Those people were never qualified to handle it.
They told me they loved me, that they loved my friends but when it came to properly reporting or handling abuse action was not taken. I mourn the person I could have been if I hadn’t of been so harmed and hindered by this program. I am years out now with a successful career, a loving long term relationship, friends and a stable life I never could have imagined. but I, like many other survivors am still picking up the pieces of what was broken in me by this program.
Tell Your Story
Share your story to help other survivors feel heard, seen and understood. We aim to expose the consistent patterns of abuses in Enthusiastic Sobriety Programs and prevent potential families from years of suffering from undue influence and abuse under the guise of drug and alcohol treatment. Enthusiastic Sobriety Survivor stories can be submitted anonymously by former group members, staff and families.
The Insight Program treats drug and alcohol abuse affects the entire family and therefore offers counseling and support groups for families of drug addicts. Insight has programs in Atlanta, Peachtree City, Charlotte, Raleigh, and Tampa.
