I became a completely different person.
FullCircle Program Survivor: 2019 - 2022
I joined at the ripe age of 15. My drug history is not much. I was using for less than a year.
After my parents divorce, I started smoking weed. Somewhere along the way I found myself smoking meth, maybe once or twice before I realized what I was doing was dumb.
I stopped doing all hard drugs before I even joined Full Circle. What I really needed what trauma therapy and a stable household. But that is not what happened.
At first joining, I hated it. I did not want to be there at all, all of the members sounded like salesman trying to get me to like it. The head counselor told my parents I needed outpatient, but they could not afford it. Thankfully, they had no problem saving their money and telling the counselors to screw off.
I found it so weird that everyone, and I mean everyone, was smoking cigarettes and vaping. Honestly, I didn't even smoke until joining. I am stuck now with a nicotine addiction.
For the first 10 months I was in the group I was just miserable, because I was making different choices than they wanted me to I was left out of a lot of activities and nobody wanted to be my friend. I was very lonely and would do anything to not be shunned anymore.
So I started doing everything that was asked of me. To be a “cool girl” for people to hangout with, I needed to be on steering, have a car, have a boyfriend, have sponsees, and be “working” the steps. So I tried my best to do all of it, and I did!
I became a completely different person.
I was relieved that I was sober and I wasn’t going to die. After being told by counselors, I would bash members for wearing certain clothing (girls), for having any type of romantic relationship, for walking away from a meeting or conversation. I would push people to hangout with someone they didn’t like because it was a “push to grow." After I did everything they asked, I got put on steering. My life had felt complete, I was so excited!
Then I went to purpose. I was legitimately bullied in purpose. I had people scream at me and tell me that i was a horrible person. One girl in particular, I had told her that she really hurt me and she yelled at me then turned everything back onto me. I kept looking at counselor sitting in the room, and he let her talk to me like I was nothing. Afterwards, I got up and cried in the bathroom. I didn’t want it to seem like what she said got to me, because everyone would judge me.
Right about this time I had the epiphany Full Circle was not doing what they said they were doing. Regardless of me knowing that I was in a cult, I stayed. I had several relationships while in the program and the counselors mandated them all. I would be asked to share explicit details of my sex life, and if I wouldn’t share, I was told I needed to be honest and that my relationship wasn’t healthy for me. I broke up with him and I was shunned in the program.
I had this fear that if I left, nobody would like me and I would be alone again. I stayed - for 2 and a half years until I graduated. I graduated in January of '22 and I was so excited to start my new life. But when I got out to the real world, I had no idea what the fuck to do. I am lost. They stole my social skills, my morals, my identity, and now I have to relearn how to be a functional member of society.
-Full Circle Program Survivor, 2019 - 2022
