An Open Letter to Current Staff

Dear current staff member,

I wanted to reach out to let you know that you can walk away from the program today. I assure you nothing I write here is meant to harm or cast judgement on you as an individual; I’ve been in your shoes. You are not “fucked up” for exploring this message, you have every right to hear this, to ask questions, to challenge your own thinking. I know you don’t think you’re in a cult, I certainly did not when I was there.

This message is for anyone who may be on the fence, who may be having thoughts about getting out, or simply curious about exploring a way out. When I left, I wish someone had sent this message to me. A message of support, and hope. That you can leave and you will not die. You can leave and you will not relapse or you can leave and choose to drink alcohol. You can leave and you are not broken, you are not spiritually bankrupt, and you can have healthy, meaningful relationships where you set the boundaries of your personal life and the relationships within it, not your boss; which is super weird if you really start to drill down into that one. You can have unwavering success away from the program, it is not some spiritually superior entity.

The leadership tells you that someone like me is just an angry disgruntled former employee who can’t own their life. I’m here to tell you that aside from being a former employee, I am none of those things. I am happy, and free, and successful. I don’t hold a grudge, I don’t feel anger or resentment towards the program. I just remember what it was like for me. Living in fear of going to purpose, having to share every “insanity” or strange thought I had to large groups of people only for leadership to weaponize that information in order to use it against me later. I made today’s equivalent of $774 per month and was told I was selfish when I asked for a raise. When you work there, you sort of have to live two lives. There was the image we presented to the world; young, motivated, drug and alcohol counselors who overcame our demons to share this amazing concept of enthusiastic sobriety with the world. Then there was the other life; the one where we dissected each other’s lives, often in cruel and hurtful ways, where we openly discussed how the white race was superior than other races, where homosexuality was a sickness that could be cured, where women existed to serve men, where we chose our parents at birth to work out specific issues, where being sexually assaulted was somehow our own fault, where engaging in non-spiritual activities opened us up to catastrophic events occurring in our lives, and where western medicine was mostly shunned resulting in heartbreaking outcomes for people who really needed help. Looking back, it was exhausting. I am who I am today and I cherish not having to pretend anything.

When I left, people looked at me like I was broken and I believed them. I was 20 something and had nowhere and no one to go to except for my parents who I had effectively cut out of my life for years. I had no other friends or support, it felt hopeless. But I took a true leap of faith and landed on my feet. Today I live a life that is not dictated by groupthink, is not influenced by what someone else determines is right for me. I make those calls and I think I do a pretty decent job of it.

Please reach out if you need any kind of support. I know that this time is especially trying for you because of all the negative attention the program is receiving. I imagine leadership is trying to circle the wagons and tamp down any dissent and they’ve probably encouraged you to not read or watch anything regarding the program in the media. I’ve been there too and it’s awful. I completely understand how scary it is to even consider leaving. I was so afraid and terrified because I knew I would be shunned. When I walked away, it felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done. Everyone on staff immediately stopped talking to me, I heard the whispers about how fucked up I was, that I was destined to be dead and on the streets, that I couldn’t take true ownership of my life, that I was playing the victim, that I was unreachable, unloveable, and spiritually sick. I’m here to tell you it’s all bullshit. You’re not fucked up, you’re in a cult. And you can just walk away today. You can also take your time and explore this on your own; you are not wrong to refrain from discussing this with anyone there, I’m certain you already know what they’ll say. Keeping this from them does not make you dishonest or fucked up or wrong or whatever bullshit they tell you. Believing so is what allows them to continue to hold power and exert control over others.

Maybe I’m over simplifying your situation, I get that, but I’m also here if you need anything. There’s an entire network of support you can tap into right now; you can leave today. I wish you the absolute best.

-Former staff member